Al-Fatihah for Someone that I Miss so much..T_T

Assalamualaikum

It was so sad and quite devastated for me to receive the most unwanted news on last 5th of December. I've lost the most kind and loving person in this world, my beloved grandmother. It was really hard for me after my lil sis confirmed the loss and i cried and cried so bad praying and reciting Al-Fatihah and Yassin for my grandmother the whole day in my room and i didn't feel like to eat too..so i was fasting that day. All the memories with her flashed back one by one in the corner of my mind.. and i was heartbroken! 

I'm so crushed inside as she had been my roommates for 14 years before i got married. After my grandfather passed away when i was 10 years old, my grandmother stayed with us. My parents and all my siblings were pleased and grateful to have her which made our cousins so jealous of us. Though sometimes my grandmother went visit them, but she couldnt stay long there at their house..I do think that we are so special to her maybe because my mother is her youngest child and live nearby her house or the way we always treat and love her that had warmed her though we're not rich and live in a big house..sobsss.

My grandmother was a very special person. She is genuinely kind, generous, funny, very patient and so helpful not only to us but to everybody. She was the one who took care of my siblings after school and checked our hafazan and happily made pulut kuning when we reached juz 15 and finished (khatam) Al-Quran and sent to our neighbours. She always cooked us yummilicious lunch, she washed our school shoes though we didn't allowed her to..but because she just loved doing it and spoiling us which my mom n dad didn't agreed with..my siblings love and adore her so much because she was always there for us..T_T. 

As i mentioned earlier, my grandmother slept in the same room with me and my lil sister, so whenever i came home for holiday either during hostel or campus time, I'd spent more time with her more than my mother as my mom works. I confided in her everything and she was a good listener n a good story-teller too. I love all of her stories..sometimes she even stayed up with me when i study for exam AND she even made snack for me at 3am..sobs. Well we were that close to each other like besties so i believed along the way i might had hurt her feelings which make me feel worse though i didn;t mean to. Sobsss. As long as i remember she never ever gets cross with us, my siblings or with other grandchildren and anybody..never! T_T Sometimes i couldn't believe her kindness..but it's so real.

My grandmother was a confine and massage lady. I might say a very good and quite well-known one at my hometown. People loves her and kept coming back to her. So she made quite alot of money but she always give back the money either to us or anyone who came visit her. Once i had asked her, but she answered the money couldn;t be brought with her when she dies so why should she keep? Aww, she was right. Therefore i always saw her helped the relatives who were in needs by sedeqah some money to them whenever they meet. I was very proud of my beloved late grandmother..she was truly inspiring and being a good example for all of us, her children and grandchildren. and i miss her very very much T_T. 

My beloved grandmother had passed away peacefully on 5th of December noon at our house, the place that she always wanted to be but no one had witnessed it as mom was at office..sobsss. But my mom got an instinct thus she left her works and handbag just like that at office and rushed back home around 12pm but she had missed it. My mom also 'redha' and accepted it, also my mom rasa puas dapat jaga my grandmother till her last breath according to my lil sis. Alhamdulillah..and my lil sis was lucky that she managed to feed my grandmother for the last time. So I was happy for my mom and my sis..no regrets at all.

but of course I was the one who felt badly of the loss. Besides i was thousand miles away and couldn't get back to give her last honour, unfortunately i was the closest person to her on this earth..T_T I just hope the others in our big family could understand why i'm still on and off in the stage of mourning though i'm surely accepting this fate for the sake of my beloved late grandmother..but i'm trying to recover and it's in good progress especially when i recalled back a small favour that i sincerely did for my grandmother during her sickness before i got married and before i fly to the UK, I feel a little bit relieved. I'm glad that i was there for her during her sickness time. 

I still vividly remembered the last day i met her at my aunt's house, i was sad hugging n kissing her cheeks and old hands to seek apology from her, she seems sad though still smiling. And then she said that she had forgave me and halalkan everything for me..sobsss...I did take a pic with her that day but i myself couldn;t bring myself and eyes to find or see the pic yet..and i don;t think i wanna share the pic, because she seems so sad in the pic seeing a preggie me, hubby and her great granddaughters that she adored and played with leaving her behind..sobss AND now i will never get the chance to introduce my beloved son to his lovely great grandmother when she alives. Tapi saya redha.. T_T

Raya 2010, my last raya with my late grandmother. I just love this pic because she looks all happy and smiling. Al-Fatihah to Hajah Azizah bt Hj. Ismail. We'll be missing you, Tok! May Allah grant you with His Jannah, Amin! T_T