Friday, October 10, 2014
I was surprised to know that i was pregnant again last month. It is a blessing and rezeki from Allah indeed. We were so happy and excited for the fourth child but it's only for a while..
Unfortunately I started bleeding last week on tuesday. I was worried but then assumed it's normal because i had placenta praevia during my 2nd pregnancy or maybe i was too active. I ran, i carried up Zafri, etc. i forgot that i was pregnant! :(
But on sunday night i had a bad bad cramp like a contraction below and i slept in pain then was bleeding badly with blood clot discharge at 4am. I was panic! I told the other half and he worried too.
so on monday morning we went to GP and the doctor straightly referred me to Queens hospital. Uh oh i could feel something was not right but i gathered myself back try to relax, be patient and redha on what will i found out soon.
The doctors did internal scan first and they said most probably i had miscarriaged. I was speechless..Then i was asked to come again two days later which was last wednesday to confirm it's misscarriage. And sadly yes i had miscarriaged at 8 weeks 5 days..:'(
I was frustrated, crushed and cried inside. Rupanya tak ada rezeki lagi nak dapat baby baru..sobs.
"Allah does not burden a soul beyond more than it can bear (2:286)"
It's true. And Allah knows best. We plan but His plan is above all.
All of us including our kids were sad over the loss..not saying that i already started shopping baby apparels since we are still here in London..sobs.
Sincerely, I was phobia to pregnant again after my third delivery experience but now with the miscarriage my phobia is getting worse..:(:(
Sorry Abang, i've tried my best even though i know you will never blame on me..and you just calmly accept His Qada' and Qadar. I love you more..
Ya Allah, ampuni dosa-dosaku. Amin..! :'(